May 31, 2012

They can't all be winners.


May 30, 2012


He is, quite simply, my favorite person ever.

May 29, 2012

I'm sorry, were you addressing me?

May 24, 2012

Hey, girl. What's the haps?

Casual baby prepares for a hectic day at "school" (aka: daycare) this morning.

May 4, 2012

Please allow me to sing you to sleep

I am a singer.

Not by trade (although if you'd like to pay me to sing, I will gladly take you up on it). But it's that little part of me that's just SO ME -- it's in every part of me. Growing up, I was always singing at home, at school, in traveling choirs, in weddings -- it was just WHO I WAS.

Since I didn't make it on Broadway (nor did I try, if we're being honest), I've been relegated to singing to my husband and dogs for the last 15 years. The dogs do listen attentively, but only because they think I might be about to feed them. And while my husband appreciates my voice, I can only keep his interest for so long unless I make up new words that make him laugh. (And it's really hard to work the word "poop" into an aria.)

So when we found out we were having a baby, one of the first thoughts that sprang to mind (besides "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!") was, "Hooray! Someone to sing lullabyes to!"

Now, my parents both sing, too, and apparently I was a hard-to-get-to-sleep baby, so I heard a TON of lullabyes growing up. One of my favorites, "A Tiny Turned-Up Nose," is basically a family heirloom that gets passed down at this point:

A tiny turned-up nose,
Two cheeks just like a rose,
So sweet from head to toe,
This little boy of mine.

Two eyes that shine so bright,
Two lips that kiss goodnight,
Two arms that hold me tight,
This little boy of mine.

No one will ever know
Just what his coming has meant.
Because I love him so;
he's something heaven has sent.

He's all the world to me!
He climbs upon my knee.
 To me he'll always be
This little boy of mine.

I sang this to Jackson the first week we brought him home, alone in the nursery, rocking in our rocking chair, with tears streaming down my face, so incredibly thankful for this little bundle of boy in my arms.

It's one of my favorite memories as a mama so far.

But a few nights later, at 4 a.m., after two hours of singing to a wide-awake happened.

I ran out of lullabyes.

I'd run through "Hush Little Baby," "Baby of Mine," "Little Redbird," "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and countless others. And there we sat, him looking at me expectantly, eyes wide and curious, waiting to be entertained.

And that is how it came to pass that my son will someday have a distant memory of being lulled to sleep by '80s power ballads.

(For the record, he prefers "Every Rose Has Its Thorn.")

May 3, 2012


May 2, 2012

Where have you been, young lady?!

So, I keep getting a lot of questions about why -- WHYYYYYYY -- I'm not blogging more while I'm on maternity leave.

"Why do you only post updates and pictures on Twitter? And even then it's not very often?"

If I could do a live feed from the baby video monitor right now, you'd know.

"Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Come get meeeeeeeee!!" :)

Here's my dilemma:

1. When I don't get sleep, I get weepy and crazy. I know, I know -- no one gets a lot of sleep with a newborn. But the first few weeks, before I started pumping, I was nursing at least every two hours (and therefore was awake for at least an hour every two hours) and I.Was.A.Giant.Mess. I don't know if it's because I'm old, or because I'm extra hormonal, or just crazy (or a combination of all three), but OMG. At one point, I was worried that I had serious PPD. And then one good night of sleep showed me that, no, I apparently just LOSE MY MIND if I don't get at least five hours of sleep every couple of days. *The More You Know.*

2. Because of #1, I started pumping when Jackson hit the four-week mark, and now T gives Jackson a bottle every night while I'm sleeping. Since he can now go up to 4.5 hours without eating (not that we starve the child -- if he's hungry, we feed him), that means I can go to bed from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m., with T giving him a bottle around 2:30 a.m., and have BLESSED CONTINUOUS SLEEP. Does it always work out like that? Nope. T goes to bed at 3 a.m., so if Jackson wakes up at 4, I'm still getting up to nurse him. Thems the breaks. But that's still a good chunk of sleep, any way you look at it.

3. Because of #2, the blessed blessedness of sleep, I am much more selfish with the time I have to spend with Jackson during the day. I mean, if we don't get to see each other all night, we extra EXTRA need that time during the day. Know what I'm saying?

I know what you're saying. Jackson DOES take naps during the day. Of course he does -- he's only two months old. But generally, he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time during the day. Truth. Right now he's taking about three or four 1-hour naps per day. I know this will eventually even out to two longer naps, but we aren't there yet. And, he has some mild reflux, so after he eats (which is usually when he immediately falls asleep), we try to keep him upright for at least 20 minutes to let his tummy settle. This means I have 40 minutes to swaddle him and put him down (and sometimes this takes several attempts), pump so he'll have a bottle for that night, wash all my pump parts, grab a quick breakfast and pee before he's yelling to get up again. Right now? I'm typing furiously because he's about to wake up ANY MINUTE, and I haven't even gotten to eat breakfast yet. So, you know. I'm sacrificing for YOU. :)

And during his other naps? I'm trying to grab some lunch, filling up his humidifier, doing a load of laundry so I won't have a naked baby and yes, occasionally, taking an hour to watch an episode of Breaking Bad because Mama needs a mental break. SOMETIMES I EVEN -- gasp!-- LEAVE THE HOUSE.

T helps a LOT, but you know -- he can't do everything, either.

Does it sound like I'm making excuses? OK, maybe I am. But here's the bottom line: I go back to work on May 22. And as much as I am currently fantasizing about being a stay-at-home mom, the reality is that A) we can't afford it, B) there's no way to do my job part time, and C) in the end, I don't think I'd truly be happy staying home. There's a part of me that needs the deadlines and the (gross) conference calls and the particular type of mental stimulation that comes with my job. For me, for us, it's what's right.

But I'm not missing it right now. And that's why I've been so quiet. I'm holding my baby every possible second I can. If he's awake for four hours in a row in the afternoon, I don't want to hand him off or park him in a swing all the time (even though I do both sometimes out of necessity) because, soon, I won't have the option of doing what we did last night: Spending an hour and a half staring into my son's eyes, singing songs, making him smile and listening to him try to talk.

I've gotta soak up this time while I can.

To make things up to you, please enjoy a few pictures of my sweet boy:

PS: Those of you who post from your iPhones? HOW DO I DO THIS?! I have tried the texting method. It is crap. This is a blogger blog; is that the problem? Any advice is welcome, as I am generally operating with a maximum of one free hand, and therefore could blog much more (and post more pictures here!) if I knew how to do it from my phone. Please email me if you can help and have a sec...

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