So, I keep getting a lot of questions about why -- WHYYYYYYY -- I'm not blogging more while I'm on maternity leave.
"Why do you only post updates and pictures on Twitter? And even then it's not very often?"
If I could do a live feed from the baby video monitor right now, you'd know.
"Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Come get meeeeeeeee!!" :)
Here's my dilemma:
1. When I don't get sleep, I get weepy and crazy. I know, I know -- no one gets a lot of sleep with a newborn. But the first few weeks, before I started pumping, I was nursing at least every two hours (and therefore was awake for at least an hour every two hours) and I.Was.A.Giant.Mess. I don't know if it's because I'm old, or because I'm extra hormonal, or just crazy (or a combination of all three), but OMG. At one point, I was worried that I had serious PPD. And then one good night of sleep showed me that, no, I apparently just LOSE MY MIND if I don't get at least five hours of sleep every couple of days. *The More You Know.*
2. Because of #1, I started pumping when Jackson hit the four-week mark, and now T gives Jackson a bottle every night while I'm sleeping. Since he can now go up to 4.5 hours without eating (not that we starve the child -- if he's hungry, we feed him), that means I can go to bed from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m., with T giving him a bottle around 2:30 a.m., and have BLESSED CONTINUOUS SLEEP. Does it always work out like that? Nope. T goes to bed at 3 a.m., so if Jackson wakes up at 4, I'm still getting up to nurse him. Thems the breaks. But that's still a good chunk of sleep, any way you look at it.
3. Because of #2, the blessed blessedness of sleep, I am much more selfish with the time I have to spend with Jackson during the day. I mean, if we don't get to see each other all night, we extra EXTRA need that time during the day. Know what I'm saying?
I know what you're saying. Jackson DOES take naps during the day. Of course he does -- he's only two months old. But generally, he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time during the day. Truth. Right now he's taking about three or four 1-hour naps per day. I know this will eventually even out to two longer naps, but we aren't there yet. And, he has some mild reflux, so after he eats (which is usually when he immediately falls asleep), we try to keep him upright for at least 20 minutes to let his tummy settle. This means I have 40 minutes to swaddle him and put him down (and sometimes this takes several attempts), pump so he'll have a bottle for that night, wash all my pump parts, grab a quick breakfast and pee before he's yelling to get up again. Right now? I'm typing furiously because he's about to wake up ANY MINUTE, and I haven't even gotten to eat breakfast yet. So, you know. I'm sacrificing for YOU. :)
And during his other naps? I'm trying to grab some lunch, filling up his humidifier, doing a load of laundry so I won't have a naked baby and yes, occasionally, taking an hour to watch an episode of Breaking Bad because Mama needs a mental break. SOMETIMES I EVEN -- gasp!-- LEAVE THE HOUSE.
T helps a LOT, but you know -- he can't do everything, either.
Does it sound like I'm making excuses? OK, maybe I am. But here's the bottom line: I go back to work on May 22. And as much as I am currently fantasizing about being a stay-at-home mom, the reality is that A) we can't afford it, B) there's no way to do my job part time, and C) in the end, I don't think I'd truly be happy staying home. There's a part of me that needs the deadlines and the (gross) conference calls and the particular type of mental stimulation that comes with my job. For me, for us, it's what's right.
But I'm not missing it right now. And that's why I've been so quiet. I'm holding my baby every possible second I can. If he's awake for four hours in a row in the afternoon, I don't want to hand him off or park him in a swing all the time (even though I do both sometimes out of necessity) because, soon, I won't have the option of doing what we did last night: Spending an hour and a half staring into my son's eyes, singing songs, making him smile and listening to him try to talk.
I've gotta soak up this time while I can.
To make things up to you, please enjoy a few pictures of my sweet boy:
PS: Those of you who post from your iPhones? HOW DO I DO THIS?! I have tried the texting method. It is crap. This is a blogger blog; is that the problem? Any advice is welcome, as I am generally operating with a maximum of one free hand, and therefore could blog much more (and post more pictures here!) if I knew how to do it from my phone. Please email me if you can help and have a sec...