September 17, 2009

Aw. Patrick Swayze.


So Patrick Swayze died this week.

His career was...weird. His roles were...diverse. Um, yeah. He dressed in drag alongsize Wesley Snipes (who makes arguably the ugliest woman in the known universe), kissed a woman from inside Whoopi Goldberg's body (ew), was a rough-edged badass in a leather jacket who...taught ballroom dancing, and played a character named Velvet Larry who -- well, does it matter? HIS NAME WAS VELVET LARRY.

But he really seemed like a great guy, and even though he had such a rough time there toward the end, it really seemed like he was trying his best to stay positive, keep going.

And I'm not going to lie: Whoever dreamed up the idea of a badass in a leather jacked who teaches ballroom dancing (however implausible it may be) is a genius who knows exactly what preteen girls (excuse me..."tween"; EW) will eat up with a spoon. I am decidedly average in this regard. I believe it goes without saying that I have, at many times during my adult life, said (with complete abandon), "Nobody puts Baby in a corner" (of course), "I carried a watermelon?" and, of course, the always popular, "You're WILD!!!" followed by uproarious laughter for no apparent reason.

(Brief sidebar: Who wrote the crappy dialogue for that movie? And how did they make it so memorable? "You're wild"? Could be the worst line of movie dialogue ever. And yet I will probably say it until the day I die and I scare the crap out of my Hospice nurse by waking out of my living coma and shouting, "You're WILD!" in her unsuspecting face.)

See what Patrick Swayze has done to me?

Aw. Patrick Swayze. You WERE wild. And I would carry a watermelon for you.

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