January 28, 2011

My turn.

Dear readers, I intended to write today about Bubba, to say my piece about the wonderful family member we just lost.


I was going to talk about how he, with one "get-me-outta-here!" look on our first meeting, stole our hearts. How he saved Murray and, really, his daddy too, from their grief over losing Hobbes. How his gentle, I-love-everyone-and-I-really-mean-it attitude made him, in my eyes, the perfect dog for kids, and how devastated I am that he'll never meet ours.


But leave it to my husband to show me up.

T asked me several months ago if he could be the first person on my blog to talk about Bubba. Since he never asks me for anything, of course I said yes. I'm ashamed to admit, I never dreamed he'd do quite that amazing of a job of it. It's true, he isn't a writer. But he captured perfectly what kind of dog Bubba was, and just what he meant to our little family.

There's really nothing I can say that's any better than that.

So instead, I'll say this:

Thank you.

To all of you who've reached out to me/us this week via e-mail, text, Twitter, Facebook and this blog, you have no idea what it meant to me. Just knowing you guys were thinking of us, and that you really GET why losing a "pet" means something more to us than just that -- it's sustained me, it really has. And I know it's meant the world to T, too.

********

I'm sitting here in my home office, with Murray snoring at my feet, wondering if he really knows his brother is not coming back. He shows us in little ways that he does, but he isn't showing the overwhelming depression he exhibited when Hobbes died. Part of that, I'm sure, is that he's nearly eight years old instead of one. But I hope part of it is that we're handling it better ourselves this time, too, and really focusing on trying to make sure he's OK.

One thing's for sure: We all miss Bubba, and the house just doesn't quite feel the same.

Last night, I had a dream. In the nonsensical way of dreams, I was at my parents' old house with Bubba (someplace he'd never been in real life), trying to feed him pizza crust, one of his favorite things EVER, even when he was sick. He took a piece, spit it back out, then somehow sprouted human hands, enough to show me in sign language: "Tummy hurts." Just as I did on the last day of his life, my dream self said, "I know, buddy. It's OK."

And, you know? It is. As much as it hurts, we still have peace.


********

Thank you, again, for indulging both T and me as we come to terms with our grief. Back to regularly scheduled programming next week, just as we're trying to get back to normal life. Have a great weekend, y'all.

10 backtalk:

B. said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, you both have me here with tears streaming down my face.

Summer said...

You are so loved. So, so loved. Thank you for letting us share this with you. For letting us cry with you. For putting such beautiful words to what we all will at one time feel. . . grief.

Big hugs continue. Big, big hugs.

wrestling kitties said...

*HUGS*

I know how hard it is to lose a pet....or as I say a part of your family. I am just glad we could be here in whatever way you need. If that means to listen or offer whatever support we can. I really am thinking of all of you.

65 Roses for Marcia said...

I know how hard this is for you and I can so relate!! I thought T did an amazing job with his post...I cried! I told Mary Beth to read it and she cried. You and T are great doggie parents and Bubba knew he was loved!

Abbe said...

you and t have both done such a wonderful job of ALLOWING us to share in this journey with you. i'm thinking of you as you grieve bubba, and find ways to keep memories of him romping around in your hearts.

Ky • twopretzels.com said...

**crying for you**

I love you.

I am so profoundly sorry for your loss.

Darcy said...

oh my gosh I am sad reading this, getting a little teary. We lost a cat we had for 17 years just a few months ago and I dream of her often. Sending you good thoughts, hands in prayer.

Trophy Life said...

oh, friend, i miss him for you. it's so funny, in that last little puppy picture, i can almost smell his fantastic puppy breath and imagine his soft little belly! (if you are NOT a do person, the puppy breath thing will not even make sense to you!). hugs and love to you.

Nadja said...

Seriously, your husband's post was absolutely awesome. A lot of people have helped celebrate your puppy's life with you this week, and I'm glad to be a part of it. Dogs are wonderful.

Sassytimes said...

HUGS!!!

I wasn't sure how to answer your toddler question, so I will answer here: I feel there are not enough children's books about Daddy. Everything is Mama. It's kind of sad. Daddy's do a lot of work too and have a lot of love. It'd be nice to read a book to my girls about Daddy before bed too. He's just as important as I am. ;)

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