What haunts me at 6 a.m.

Week One, complete!

This is my elliptical screen. It stares me in the face every time I work out.

It's starting to haunt my dreams.

For the last month or so, I've been trying to do this "Hills" program as much as possible. (Not to be confused with The Hills; although I'm pretty sure I could get a decent workout smacking Heidi Montag in the face, watching her fake lips rattle around and then kicking her in the shins, which are probably also fake.) I go for 30 minutes, and the difficulty goes from 2 to 6 to 10 to 2, over and over and over. And to make sure I'm not totally slacking, I set speed limits for myself at each level. It seriously kicks my butt.

I do try to change up my workout as much as I can. We have a ridiculous amount of workout equipment in our basement, so it's pretty easy to switch it up when I'm so inclined.

At last count, we have:

• An elliptical
• An exercise bike (with iPod port; handy since neither of us has an iPod)
• A weight bench with barbell and removable weights
• A rowing machine (that works pretty well, considering I paid $7 for it)
• A free-standing heavy bag and boxing gloves (a very healthy way to work out feelings of wanting to punch your spouse, not that that EVER happens to me)
• Exercise bands (with accompanying DVD)
• A Bender Ball*
• A step (you know, in case I want to make up my own step aerobics routine)
• Free weights (fives, eights and fifteens)
• Approximately 500 workout DVDs (everything from Pilates to yoga to Jane Fonda-style aerobics from the '80s)

*As a side note, according to this, the Bender Ball is 408% more effective than a regular-sized exercise ball. I find that both random and suspect. Exactly how do you arrive at such a humongus and yet specific percentage? I want to see some research data.

So, with all that crap in our basement, losing weight should be a breeze! You would think.

In all fairness, I've done much better this week. Monday through Thursday I dutifully woke up early and worked out 30-60 minutes each day, Friday I skipped because I got zero sleep the night before, Saturday I walked dogs for a few hours at the dog shelter, and Sunday I skipped because, well, I wanted to.

I broke through my latest plateau, albeit only by a pound and a half. But I still feel pretty darn good about this week. I'm not gaining anything back, and I'm viewing this week as a springboard to hopefully really making a dent in that plateau next week.

Now if I can just get a handle on my carb obsession. I'm assuming this has something to do with my body's natural instinct to pack on padding just in case I get stranded in a snowbank and am forced to live off my body fat until a team of sled dogs can come rescue me. Right? Did I not mention I live in Little House on the Prairie? Oh, fine. I just like bread. And crackers. And Goldfish. Stupid tasty little things, marrying crackers and cheese in a tiny smiling fish shape. Maybe this week I'll see if they go well with apples.