September 16, 2010

Unsolicited advice: Once you slide the lock...


Things to do while in a bathroom stall:
  1. Go to the bathroom.
  2. Change your clothes (with your shoes on, because: ew).
Things not to do while in a bathroom stall:
  1. Breathe heavily.
  2. Have a phone conversation.
  3. Grunt.
  4. Talk to yourself or others.
  5. Sing and/or rap to yourself.
  6. Tap your foot (we’ve all seen where that can get you).
  7. Catch up on work (no one wants to be handed a document you were holding while making wee-wee).
  8. Play games on your cell phone, muttering expletives when you lose points. Or drop your phone in the toilet.
  9. Do anything except go to the bathroom or change your clothes. With your shoes on.

This has been a public service announcement, courtesy of the person in the next stall over.

Thanks ever so.

3 backtalk:

the grumbles said...

as long as there's nothing about noisy pumping machines on there, i'm good. ;)

we have this one lady at our office who will remain nameless who will come in, regardless of who else is in there... and talk to herself. creepily. last time my coworker was in there and she came in and started muttering, "she's a god damned fish-face! she has a fish face!" while she went to the bathroom and washed her hands. WTF?!

Written Permission said...

Grumbles, OMG -- I would pretend to be pooing for an hour to avoid contact with Fish-Face Mumbler! WTF indeed. That's truly scary.

I'm mostly baffled about the phone conversations. Does the person you're speaking with hear you grunting and flushing, and the rest of us peeing, etc., and just not care? How could you have a normal conversation? Totally beyond me.

And yes, of course, any and all baby-maintenance activity is completely acceptable! :)

wrestling kitties said...

Awesome!

But I need to add one more, and ONLY because I do not like odd numbered lists because they look incomplete, unless it is a list of 3 then it is ok. I am weird, yes.

10. Eat in the bathroom stall. ew.

I went to the theater a few weeks back and as I am leaving the stall to wash my hands a lady in her mid 40s or so (basically at an age she should have known better) goes into the bathroom with her popcorn and pop and as she enters the stall I see her shove a big mouthful of popcorn into her mouth and proceed to use the restroom. Intrigued, I wash my hands slowly and notice that she puts her popcorn down, sits on the toilet and drinks from her pop and then puts it down on the ground. I really couldn't stay any longer because I feared she would reach back down and eat popcorn or eat some on her way out of the stall. I couldn't handle that.

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