October 19, 2009

It's times like these...

...when I'm so glad my own wedding is OVER.

I absolutely love being married. Love it. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary, and T. and I could not be happier.

But the actual wedding... Don't get me wrong -- it was LOVELY. It was a great day, no drama to speak of, quick and beautiful, all our family and friends, great food... Nothing to complain about.

It's the planning.

We had a relatively simple wedding, which worked well for us. We each had a few things we felt strongly about, so we compromised on those things, and T. pretty much deferred to me on everything else. My mom and I arranged for the flowers and the food, we each took care of our own attire, and the reception was at the church, so there was very little to do in terms of logistics.

And even that was exhausting.

Yesterday, as I often do on Sundays during football season, I fled my house (and my darling aforementioned husband) to spend the afternoon writing at Panera. I love everything about this: The bagel I eat before I start writing, the peace/companionship-at-a-distance that comes with working in a public place, the cozy atmosphere at Panera. It's just lovely.

This time, the table next to me was occupied (for the entire four-hour duration of my stay) by a 20-something girl and two older women. When I first arrived, I thought they were teachers planning a lesson, since they had folders upon folders upon binders upon papers strewn across three tables and were in heated debate about something.

Then I caught a glimpse of the title on one of the binders: "The Complete Wedding."

For the next three hours, I listened as this poor girl (and what turned out to be her mother and her fiance's mother) battled through a whole host of issues: Should they have the wedding outside? Well, but the groom wants to be outside. Should they have little umbrellas for the drinks? What drinks should they offer? Should there be drinking? Who would be upset if there's no drinking?

Friends, it was EXHAUSTING. By the end of it, the two mothers actually had to give the bride a pep talk because she was so overwraught by the whole thing, she was starting to break down. (I think one quote was, "If he calls off the wedding because you chose chicken instead of steak, then he doesn't deserve you.") And I'm pretty sure I heard them say the wedding is in May, so the poor thing has seven more months of this!

No judgements from me, because our wedding was stressful enough, and I know it's really, really easy to get bogged down in pleasing everyone else. But when did weddings become so far removed from the actual PURPOSE of the day and more about this huge brouhaha?

You know, I say that, and I could say everyone should elope and get married in a quiet ceremony with only immediate family in attendance, but if I had it to do over again -- I wouldn't change a thing. :)

I probably should have told that to the frazzled bride-to-be next to me. Huh. Maybe I'll see her next Sunday. I have a feeling she's in for a loooong seven months.

5 backtalk:

Iris Took said...

You hit the nail on the head. Planning weddings as a profession makes me want to elope FOR SERIOUS. I think every bride I work with, at some point, says to me, "I just want it to be over with." You are so right - have we completely lost sight of what a wedding represents?

Trophy Life said...

UGH, that stresses ME out. NO wedding for me that i know of. i watched my brother do it and i thought "no way, no how". often times, we have lost sight of the meaning and it's about the STUFF...no thanks!

65 Roses for Marcia said...

I totally remember the SHRIMP at your wedding! I think I ate most of them :)

Ky (Two Pretzels) said...

1. I really enjoyed your wedding. And you looked beautiful and you and T. were cutely happy.
2. UGH - that poor girl.
3. I swear, traditional weddings are more for the family than for the couple...
4. The food at your wedding was soooooo good.

wrestling kitties said...

Poor girl.

I loved the entire process of planning our wedding! It sounds crazy, but there was really nothing that caused either of us stress. People said it was because I was an event planner, but I think it was just because we both knew it was ONE day out of the rest of our lives together. We made sure to stay on the same page with everything, talk to each other if there was a problem/concern, and not stress about this one day…as there will be plenty of time to stress about important things once you are married!!

It worked for us, but I agree – so many people worry about THAT day and forget about the vows they are taking and the actual marriage. That is sad to see. And pushy parents or in-laws DON’T help!

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